I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
