then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
