Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
