no, he came in my armpit
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
