I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
