rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
