your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
