Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
