the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
