how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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