Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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