I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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