your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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