If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
