it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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