remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
