is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
