the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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