if i died would you start the facebook group?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize