I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize