You really coming over, don't trick.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
