I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think i have two assholes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
