you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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