Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
