i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
