You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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