I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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