I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
