I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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