Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
