Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
