I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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