just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
