do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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