i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A bitchslap is in order.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
