This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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