You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
