New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
