hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize