Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
