it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
