Porn is love you can see.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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