who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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