thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
