Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
