do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
