Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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