She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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