I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
