Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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