I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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