there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
