i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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