can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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