I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize