Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
