I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
