yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
