Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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