Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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