singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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