i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
God, I missed his penis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
