We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
