Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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