return my video game
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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