sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
