I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
as a side note pls kill me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
