My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
