im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize